Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Random Thoughts:
The Grocery Store

Do put your cart in the middle of the aisle when getting something off the shelf. I like waiting for your dumbass to make your selection and get it while I'm forced to stop and watch your inconsiderate ass.

Don't pay attention to the people you have blocked while you are getting the item. Your cluelessness and thoughtlessness adds to the texture of the event.

Do let your children run unfettered throughout the aisle. I enjoy watching the little shits run around with no control or supervision.  It reminds me of why being 43, single and childless isn't as bad as it seems.

Do go in clockwise direction in the store. Going with the flow of traffic isn't as all that it's cracked up to be.

Do go at a fast clip when you're pushing your cart, especially when you're going in the "clockwise" direction. I love being startled as I cautiously edge out from my aisle. Who doesn't like a surprise?

Do mill around at the deli area.

Don't form a line at the deli area. Trying to guess who's "last" makes things interesting and watching the person you jumped in front of act with righteous indignation makes the shopping experience that much more fun.

Don't show your coupons until all of your items have been scanned. That way, it's too late for me to change lanes. Then,  I can stay in the store longer and watch your cheap ass in the mean time.

Do bring your own reusable bags to put your groceries in. These people tend to be busy-body types who stand over the bagger and fuss over where each and every item should be placed.


  1. I"m printing this out and posting it on all the bulletin boards at local grocery stores.

  2. If you really want to create a stir, post this at the Women's Forum. Mothers love and welcome constructive criticism about how they should control their kids.

  3. I'll just post the Willy Wonka song that the Oompa Loompas sing about how the behavior of the kids is directly related to how the parents raise them.