Saturday, December 31, 2011

Trip to the Gym:
In Pictures

I took this on the way to the gym the other day.

Absent Mindedness:
Using Conditioner Instead of Shampoo

I've always been absent minded, especially when I was younger. For example, I've tried to put the car in reverse on a manual drive when I had intended to put the car in 5th gear (I was going over 60 mph). That maneuver caught my attention with the loud and shrill noise the gears made.

This trait subsided quite a bit after I started studying for the LSAT and then started law school. The attention to detail has curbed the absent mindedness in me. However, once in a while, it will rear its ugly head.

In November, I bought a new bottle of Garnier Fructis shampoo, or so I thought. Actually, I had bought a bottle of conditioner. I noticed the difference immediately but didn't identify the cause. My hair would take longer to dry and when it did dry, it would be oily and dull.

After a week of using conditioner every day, I started to get pimples on my head. It was gross as hell. I didn't know what was happening. I would get at least a half a dozen of these things. I'd no sooner pop one then another would pop right back up.

As if that wasn't gross enough, I was starting to get that "Old Man Smell".

It only took me a few weeks to identify the problem. Once I switched back to regular shampoo, my hair returned to its normal look and smell. Most importantly, the pimples are gone.

Friday, December 30, 2011

Random Thoughts:
Heaviest Centenarian?

The other day, I was thinking "Who holds the record for being the heaviest person over 100 years old?"

I haven't seen many centenarians, but they are withered and tiny. They sleep a lot, too.

Tuesday, December 27, 2011

Random Thought:
Twilight, Vampires and Cold Air

I was watching a Twilight movie the other night courtesy of Showtime On-Demand and had a random thought pop in my head during the show.

If vampires are cold-blooded, does that mean that on  a cold day, no one can see their breath?

I mean, assuming they breathe, does that mean that their breath doesn't condensate when it reaches the cold air when they exhale? But if they don't breathe, that means that no one can see their breath on a cold day because there is no "breath" in the first place.

I bet the "cold air test" would be a good way to detect if someone is a vampire.

Tuesday, December 20, 2011

Random Thoughts:
The Grocery Store

Do put your cart in the middle of the aisle when getting something off the shelf. I like waiting for your dumbass to make your selection and get it while I'm forced to stop and watch your inconsiderate ass.

Don't pay attention to the people you have blocked while you are getting the item. Your cluelessness and thoughtlessness adds to the texture of the event.

Do let your children run unfettered throughout the aisle. I enjoy watching the little shits run around with no control or supervision.  It reminds me of why being 43, single and childless isn't as bad as it seems.

Do go in clockwise direction in the store. Going with the flow of traffic isn't as all that it's cracked up to be.

Do go at a fast clip when you're pushing your cart, especially when you're going in the "clockwise" direction. I love being startled as I cautiously edge out from my aisle. Who doesn't like a surprise?

Do mill around at the deli area.

Don't form a line at the deli area. Trying to guess who's "last" makes things interesting and watching the person you jumped in front of act with righteous indignation makes the shopping experience that much more fun.

Don't show your coupons until all of your items have been scanned. That way, it's too late for me to change lanes. Then,  I can stay in the store longer and watch your cheap ass in the mean time.

Do bring your own reusable bags to put your groceries in. These people tend to be busy-body types who stand over the bagger and fuss over where each and every item should be placed.

Monday, December 19, 2011

Random Thoughts:
During an 8 Hour Exam

    Graph of Random Numbers

  1. "This class was my THIRD choice, goddamnit!!!"
  2. "Why did Copyrights have to be filled up?"
  3. "Should I have waitlisted Copyrights?"
  4. "Someone said there were openings a week after the semester started."
  5. "Why didn't I get up earlier on registration day and get into Copyrights while I had a chance?"
  6. "Why the fuck did Wills & Trusts have a time conflict with Patents?"
  7. "This sucks."
  8. "This guy's an asshole."

Sunday, December 18, 2011

Random Thought:
About Two Words

Only one letter separates the words "Heroes" & "Herpes."

As they say, you only get herpes once, so make it count!

Werewolves & Law School Exams

This would have been cool.

But no, we got something closer to this emo crap.

Just when I thought an 8 hour exam couldn't get worse, I ran into a hypothetical based on werewolves. And it wasn't the cool Lon Chaney wolfman; you know,  the old school stuff. No. This stemmed from the sissy crap Twilight series.

Saturday, December 17, 2011


I forgot to set my alarm to "snooze" the night before the last day I could take my last exam. If I missed that exam, I'd get an F. I'd be shit out of luck.

Normally, I set my alarm to snooze but forgot Thursday night. But out of caution, I set up a back-up alarm by setting the alarm on my cell phone. I'd never used the alarm feature on that phone before.

When the alarm went off, I hit the alarm and waited 5 minutes until the next alarm. Sometimes I even fall back asleep in that short time. I was half-in/half-out Friday morning. After a while, I wondered why the snooze hadn't gone off yet. I looked over and 9 minutes had passed! I almost shit a brick. Then my cell phone alarm went off.

I made it to the exam. I was the last person to pick it up.

Monday, December 12, 2011

My Mom's Christmas Present


He's a few weeks old. I haven't actually gotten him yet since he is too young, but I did put a down payment on him a while ago. And he already has a name: Archie.

Sometime next month, I will drive out in the country and get him. I think this will be the furthest from an interstate highway I've ever been in my life when I make that trip.

He already looks cute. And I want to squeeze the shit out of him right now.

Saturday, December 10, 2011

An Observation About a Patents Course
RE: Microsoft
(Another Confession from a Hater)

Damn, they get sued a lot!

And in the spirit of haterism, I almost always root for their opponent when I am reading the cases. I'm thinking "Come one guys, get 'em!"

Thursday, December 8, 2011

Random Thought
Terra Nova

Couldn't they have sent them back after the asteroid hit?

Tuesday, December 6, 2011

People Complaining About Class Let Out Early

It's hard to believe that people exist who will complain about their professor letting class out early. How do I know? One of our professors told us about such complainers as he was letting us out early one day! Supposedly, this was his way of saying "Screw you" to such officious little busy-bodies. The professor said people have complained to the dean when he had previously let people out early.

Part of me wants to slap the shit out someone that fussy and irritable. Another part of me thinks it's funny that something like this can get some dipshit's panty's in a bunch.

Saturday, December 3, 2011

Random Thought
What To Name A Company If GSK and Merck Merged

What if Glaxosmithkline and Merck merged? What would this company be named?

I came up with an idea: Gerck. The "G" would be a "soft G" as in "George."

Friday, December 2, 2011

Therapy Dogs at School

This wasn't one of the dogs, but it is wearing something similar to what the dogs the other day were wearing.

(I do this at the risk of breaking my anonymity.)

The other day at school, there were a few dogs in the front lobby with their owners. They had on some vests or bibs, otherwise they were normal and pretty dogs. The owners allowed students to pet the dogs. Actually, I think the dogs were brought for that very purpose. The dogs were very well-mannered and gentle. I was surprised they got along with each other. They never barked, snarled or showed teethies at each other.

I later thought "Don't they bring therapy dogs to hospitals and nursing homes to cheer up the occupants?" It's one thing to bring in a pet to a captive audience to brighten an otherwise miserable day, but it's whole different matter to bring the dogs in to law students who are free to come and go as they feel.

Then I thought that whoever conjured up this idea thought that the law students were down-trodden, run-down, defective and broken people in need to some therapeutic treatment.

Sunday, November 27, 2011


  • Tonight
  • Real Housewives of Atlanta
  • Male stripper
  • Sucking his own tallywhacker

*Post edit: He was able to do this without taking yoga, if you know what I mean.

Confessions of a Hater

If I'm watching a game on TV when I don't have a connection between either school in the game, I will root against the school I couldn't have got in.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

"Clean Rooms"

A motel advertising about how clean its rooms are should tip off potential lodgers that the place is a hole in the ground.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Random Thought on Movies
School Bells in Colleges

I've attended four colleges and not one time have I ever heard a school bell ring to mark the start or end of class. I find it funny to see a classroom in a movie scene where a ringing bell signifying the end of class conveniently interrupts a meaningful moment. I know it's a plot device, the bell, but it does not reflect reality. When it comes down to it, it annoys the hell out of me.

I see the same thing in TV shows as well with the bells in a college setting.

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Jesus Would Lock the Door, if He Were Using a Single Occupant Bathroom in the Library

If you're in a single occupant bathroom out in public, lock the fucking door!!!!!! No one wants to see you pee or shit.

Saturday, November 12, 2011

The Taco Maker
pt. II

I went to the Zippy Lube to get an oil change and have my headlights replaced. I noticed on Monday evening that my driver's side light was out. I hadn't had my oil changed in a while (January, I found out later), so I took the opportunity to kill two birds with one stone. I don't mind going to Zipply Lube. Their name suits them well. They inspect cars, change oil and make minor repairs in a quick fashion. This is in contrast to going to Jiffy Lube where sitting in their waiting room is about as speedy and fun as sitting in the Wake Med emergency room at the height of flu season. Besides, this Zippy Lube has an old school quarter operated arcade machine with Galaga (my favorite), Donkey Kong, Junior Donkey Kong, Pac Man, Ms. Pac Man and Frogger.

While I was waiting, I thought I'd get some lunch over at the Taco Maker. I hadn't been there in a while and had some time to kill. They looked about the same, but in addition to their giant menu in bright colors was a gerry rigged little menu to the right. It was en espanol. Most of the stuff was tacos on the 'little menu.' I ordered the chicken tacos and waited. The gave me a number and when the food was ready, brought my order out to me.

The tacos looked like the ones I used to get off the taco truck. I liked it. The only difference was that the stuff the taco truck would put on for you was in a buffet that you could put on yourself. It actually tasted good. It wasn't like that Taco Bell imitation crap on the regular menu.

I may have to go back there again. I have a hankering for some tacos.

Friday, November 4, 2011

Herman Cain & The Bradley Effect

Will Herman Cain suffer from the "Bradley Effect"? For those who don't know, the phenomenon is named after the former mayor of L.A., who ran and lost for governor of California despite being ahead in the polls before the election. The Bradley Effect describes when white voters tell pollsters they will vote for a minority candidate but actually don't vote for the minority candidate. People speculate that the white person tells the person what they want to hear out of fear of ridicule and scorn if they say the won't vote for the minority candidate. That is, the white voter is a racist.

Some speculated that Obama suffered from the Bradley Effect in NH when he lost to Hillary Clinton in the 2008 primary after a resounding win in the Iowa Caucuses.

Will Cain suffer from this effect? I honestly don't know. I can promise if that he doesn't win in Iowa or NH, the pundits will be eager to bring up the Bradley Effect and make strong accusations of how the Republican voters, in their quiet moments, are racists.

Sunday, October 30, 2011

"Pedestrian Killed While Crossing Raleigh Street"
Around Five Years Ago

About five years ago, I was in bed at my condo around midnight when I heard a car crash. Immediately I knew this was pretty bad. First, I could see the fire truck lights within seconds of the crash. We live beside a fire station and the firemen didn't even wait for the formalities of  getting the 911 dispatch. The truck went north going against traffic on a one-way street. This meant that traffic would be restricted. They don't block lanes for fender benders.

The second thing that tipped me off this was bad was the screaming of what I thought was a bystander. I could hear the Doppler effect as he ran screaming by my window and then continued down the street. It didn't seem right. I'd later learn that the guy screaming was the boyfriend of the crash victim.

The third thing that alerted me was that when I looked out the window to see the crash, there were no cars. I've seen crashes before on that block and there was always a car on the scene. I've seen two cars smash the shit out of each other. I've also seen the result of a car jumping the curb and hitting a light pole. But always there was a car around to gawk at. At this wreck, there was no car around.

The last thing I saw that clinched the graveness of the situation was seeing a mangled barely-alive body on the street between the boundary of the condo building and the fire station. I couldn't get a clear view of the injured man, but I saw enough. A stream of blood trickled from his body down the street and ran down the curb into the drain. I looked up the street and saw a pair of shoes. The car hitting the injured man knocked the guy out of his shoes and propelled him over 100ft down the street. This isn't the script for the movie-of-the-week or an after-school special. Despite the prompt response by paramedics, the man died.

I realized the 'crash' I heard was actually a car knocking the shit out of a pedestrian. I wasn't able to get to sleep until a few hours later. I later talked to a neighbor who had a birds-eye view of the scene since he was higher up with a better view. The grizzly details imprinted even deeper in his mind than my own. One word we both used to describe our reaction to the death: numb.

The driver who hit the guy had driven off. Technically it was a hit-and-run. About 30 minutes later, the driver did return to the scene of the crime and spoke to the police. He said the pedestrian was jay-walking. This was true. The shoes were in the middle of the block over a 100 feet from the nearest crosswalk. Everything else this man must have said was a big crock of shit.

The driver claimed he was only going the speed limit: 35 mph. There is no way in hell a car going 35 mph can knock a grown man over 100ft. It's a goddamn lie. I've been on that road hundreds of times and have seen the assholes barreling down going well over 50 mph. True, this is irrelevant, but the guy was propelled over 100ft from the site of impact.

There was also the matter of the guy leaving the crash. That alone should have brought him some charge. I looked up the guy's name on the NC DOC website, and at the time of the crash, he was on probation. It was after midnight, that alone was most likely a probation violation.

Then there was a matter of why he left. I can only speculate. The guy had been convicted of gun and drug charges. My guess is that he didn't want to get caught red-handed with something illegal so he dumped whatever he shouldn't have had and returned to the crash site.

Bottom line: The guy was never charged with anything since he said he wasn't speeding and the pedestrian was jaywalking.

How would things have turned out if instead of a drunk gay guy getting killed at night it was a city worker or a church goer who got killed at night instead?

City workers and church goers jaywalk all the fucking time on Dawson Street, and will give you attitude if you seemed irritated, and they will stare you down daring you to do something. I wondered how things would have turned out if the pedestrian had not been a gay guy killed but a  member of John Edward's church at the Edenton Street Methodist Church just a few blocks up the street. Deep down, I don't think the cops would have let an ex-con on parole get away without charging him with something. There would have been outrage and demands for action.

I also wondered what would have happened if the driver had hit a city worker on the same street where these guys frequently jaywalk. These guys are notorious for crossing the street where ever they feel like it and goddamn forbid if you honk your horn at them. Yet these are the same assholes who would not yield to me and my dog when we were in the crosswalk and had the light.

No, I think things would have turned out differently had the pedestrian been  a city worker or from the same congregation at John Edward's church. It was all I could do to confront the DA about that incident and have them explain their inaction.

I really wanted to tell them the hypotheticals I just described. In essence it was like having open-season on drunk queers in Raleigh.

The guy's name was Chad Everett Reece.

Friday, October 28, 2011

The Grammarian's Victory Sign

For those who don't know what "[sic]" means, here is a situation when it would be used. Suppose one is directly quoting another: "He said your almost near the interstate." The horror of horrors, the person made a mistake. What is the grammarian to do? He can't go into the quote and correct it by substituting "you're" for "your". That would be misleading and untruthful.

The grammarian also can't simply sit back and let it go or else people will think the grammarian had actually made the mistake. What should be done is this: "He said your [sic] almost near the interstate." This lets people know that the mistake was not made by the grammarian.

This serves two purposes. First, it lets everyone know the grammarian didn't screw up; it was the person quoted who screwed up. It's bad enough the grammarian had to witness such an atrocity, but to have people believe the grammarian did it is unthinkable and a rank obscenity.

The second purpose is to let the grammarian feel superior. It gives the grammarian a way to express snideness through this editing technique. It proves there [sic] superiority and lets the grammarian feel better about himself.

It's like a victory sign for the grammarian.

Friday, October 21, 2011

Gaddafi's Spank Bank

The late dictator, Gaddafi, had a thing for former Secretary of State, Condoleezza Rice. This is almost as nutty as Bin Laden's lusting Whitney Houston. Yes, for those who hadn't heard, the late terrorist had  thing for Whitney Houston.

Back to Gaddafi.

In his compound was a photo album with pictures of Condoleezza Rice. She's not a bad looking woman. I'm not criticizing that. I find it odd for a strong-arm dictator to have his own spank-bank that includes world leaders from abroad, especially a person from a country that tried to bomb the shit out of him back in the Reagan Administration. I wonder if Gaddafi knew that her nickname over here is "Cunilingual Rice"?

I wonder if it will go on e-Bay?

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

From the Annals of Passive Aggresiveness
Volume 2

I returned to my apartment after a week away and found this gem posted by the mailbox downstairs. It took a hell of a nerve for someone to do that. I thought it was funny as hell and thought I'd share it with the Internet.

The letter's author has a point. People do leave crap out on the common areas. Some people will drop their junk-mail on the ground under the mailbox. And yes, the kids can be loud and obnoxious little shits.

But this guy is taking things way too hard. This can only generate a bunch of tattletales in our building.

Sunday, October 16, 2011

Learning the Rules from One Patent Act Is Hard Enough
Learning Two Sucks the Big One

In the middle of the semester when I'm taking a course in patent law, Congress changes the patent laws. They call the new law "America Invents Act (AIA)." I won't give a summary of the new law. I haven't digested the new provisions. Besides, there are much better authorities on patent law than a second year law student. I hope to hell no one comes to this blog seeking legal advice or education.

My initial reaction to the new law was "Is this good or bad for patent attorneys?" I have a hunch this may create more work for patent attorneys, so this could be a plus for people in this field.

However, the law may be a pain in the ass because patent attorneys for the next 15 years or so will have to know 2 sets of patent laws: the old 1952 Act and AIA. The old patent laws don't simply vanish. The unexpired patents granted before passage of the AIA will follow the old patent laws. The new patents passed after passage of the AIA (or at least those passed 2 years from now), will follow the new rules.

I keep telling myself this is a good thing.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Who the Fuck Doesn't Like a Treehouse???

A nameless, faceless anonymous tattle-tale in Fairfax Co., northern Virginia, that's who doesn't like a treehouse. A father built an awesome treehouse for his kids. The guy even called the permits office at the county government to see if approval was needed. The county worker said "No."

Weeks and hundreds of dollars later, the father finishes the house. That is when the anonymous complaint surfaced. I can only imagine who the complainer was. My guess is that it's some annoying little busy-body type. The type that either complains at all of the HOA meetings or even worse, sits on the HOA board and rules like a tyrant.

The treehouse did, indeed, violate a zoning ordinance, or at least that is what the zoning board stated. The father has an appeal at then end of November. He's got to win. We can't let those NIMBY bastards win another battle.