Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Dear Fatty at the Harris Teeter Produce Section
I promise I wasn't making any advances at you. I think you mistook my waiting for the interminable time it took you to get your plastic bag to get your apple as some kind of "advance" or "pass" at you. I could see the indignant look in your eyes that you were not pleased at what you thought was my interest in you.
Well, trust me, Ms. Thing, I was not. I've never been into fat chicks. You had no redeeming qualities chubby girls sometimes have such as a pretty face, voluptuous ass or large breasts. You were batting 0/3 in those categories. Besides, you had a pig nose and a beret!
Who the hell wears a beret? Monica Lewinsky? Well, how did that work our for her. Sure, Green Berets wear them but they can kick anyone's ass who would dare mock them for their attire.
The closest bags to the ones you were already using was over by the onions over 30ft away. I thought it would have been quicker to let you get your bag rather than take that walk. I was wrong. My god, did fatty lollygag around forever. Then to make things worse, fatty thought I was interested in her.