Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Mrs. Bligh

(Names were changed to protect the not-so-innocent.)

An older couple lived a few doors down from me, the Blighs. The wife was a busy-body if there ever was one. She hated dogs and told me so herself. Whenever the babies passed by her, she would press up against the wall as hard as she could. You’d think I had a pack of wolves on my leash the way that woman reacted.

Her “welcoming present” to me was her slipping a copy of the HOA rules under my door the 2nd day I was there. She told me she did it by asking “Did you see the note I slipped under your door?” There is nothing like a warm reception and a welcome home than a busy-body passive-aggressively ordering you around by slamming the HOA rules on you the first week you are there.

She did her best to change and enforce the by-rules concerning pets. She wanted the dog owners to go out the south end of the building which meant we would have to walk down an alley that had no sidewalks. Those assholes came close to hitting me in the parking lot. There was no way in hell I was going to take a chance at one of those self-entitled snots take a swipe at me in that alley. None of the dog owners obeyed that rule except for Pout Face and Pussy Whipped.

Then Mrs. Bligh cornered me one day and wanted me to vacuum the carpet in front of my door. I told her we had a cleaning service for the building. That wasn’t enough for her. I could still hear her nasally Long Island accent saying “how about cleaning that up.” God damn if that woman wasn’t a piece of work.

Within a couple of years, she moved. I couldn’t have been happier. I found out later that she sued a neighbor for a Halloween party next to her condo. The other guy, Miss Piggy’s owner, told her beforehand that he was going to have a party. Mrs. Bligh said the party would disturb her with all the noise. Piggy’s owner offered to put Mrs. Bligh up for a night two blocks up at the Holiday Inn. Mrs. Bligh refused. The party went on. Supposedly a suit followed. I don’t know how it turned out.

I was glad to see her go. Good riddance.

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