Neighbor's Dog Tried to Kill Andy

Near the scene of the crime

Christmas Day 2008

My neighbor’s Bull Terrier, Turbo, attacked Andy in the hallway. What a shitty punctuation mark to an overall shitty year. I was on my way to see my cousin when I looked through the front door and saw Turbo and one of its owners trying to come in the door. I immediately changed directions to go out the side door. Turbo, unleashed and without barking or growling, scampered right to us, ran in front of Andy jumped up and chomped on Andy’s face, not letting go. I pulled Andy back and Turbo wouldn’t give. He wouldn’t listen to me. Even worse, he wouldn’t listen to his owner. He intensified his efforts to kill Andy. I screamed at the owner to get her goddamn dog off mine. I had a split second decision to make. I thought about kicking the shit out of the dog. I also thought about running back in my condo, getting something and killing the dog. Fortunately, I had some strength in me that I didn’t know I had and pulled Andy loose.


We immediately went outside and got in the car. Andy’s ear was bleeding. The other owner ran out, apologized and said he’d pay for the vet bills. Andy needed 10 stitches. The bill was over $600. I left the bill at the owner’s door the next day. It took him a week until he gave me a check. In the meantime, the delay led me to think he wasn’t going to pay. I was thinking about suing that son of a bitch. That god damn little psychopathic dog was not on a leash. You don’t have to make an “A” in torts to know that it smells like negligence.

I even thought about suing the HOA. Our HOA rules stated that no more than 2 pets can live in a unit. Turbo was a new addition to that unit, the third pet. The HOA board knew about this rule violation and did nothing about it. Had that little bastard not lived at that place, Andy would have never been attacked. I’m sure that claim would be weak, but it would be nice to put the HOA on the defensive after all their high-and-mightiness over the last few years. Luckily, Turbo’s owner paid the bill in full.

From then on out, I always carried a hammer with me when I took Andy for a walk. I was going to knock the shit out of that bastard if he so much as snarled at Andy. Andy is such a sweet dog. I’ll be goddamned if I was going to have him die at the jaws of that bloodthirsty little bastard.

I don’t know why someone wants a Bull Terrier to begin with. They are ugly as hell. Take a close look at one and not just a glimpse at a distance to see what I mean. In the canine world, they are the missing-link knuckle-draggers with pronounced brow ridges and sloping foreheads. They look like dumb little bastards. They have zero personality. And when they go berserk (and believe me, they will), they go into a blind rage oblivious to other people or even their owners. Personally, I’d put my dog down if he savagely attacked another dog like that, especially after he ignored its owner during the attack. They lost control over the dog and it subsequently almost killed another dog. That dog is a lawsuit waiting to happen.